Name The President: Mitt, Newt, Barack

Have you noticed this? Not one of the three men running at this time for President next year has a normal first name. Indeed, they don’t even have abnormal names. They have names that have been given to them that are completely unique.
Newt is a sort of worm or grub, I think. Something that a principal might send your kid home from school for if he found one in your kid’s hair.
Mitt is something to hold things with. It could be an oven mitt or a catcher’s mitt or any other baseball player’s mitt. Also, in winter, it’s a nickname for mittens.
Barack I thought might mean something in an African language, so I tried a few translation programs online and all of them said there was no translation to English. Barack apparently is just some sound made by his mother or father at his birth there in Hawaii–or by a parrot at that moment. Anyway it stuck.
I cannot recall any time in our history that candidates running for President were named after a grub, a glove or who knows what? Maybe there’s something to it. I don’t know. We’re going through these hard times. Maybe we just need somebody with a unique name like this since all the regular ones don’t get us anywhere.
Maybe we could enduce a few other people to join the fray. Beyonce. Demi. JLo. There needs to be a woman in this mix with a strange name. Paris? Well, how about Bing? Today half the population knows him as a search engine. But the other half knows him as a singer popular in the 1940s.
I think, other than the fact that he is deceased, or maybe because of it, Bing Crosby could give Newt and Mitt a real run for his money. After all, a human named after a search engine might possibly be the most intelligent candidate of them all.
Who I would really like to see join the Republican fray is Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey. His first name is not unique. And I know he’s reluctant to run. But I do think we could tag him with a seriously odd name if he’d let us. Right, Fatso?